


freezing heat

by lemonyellowlogic



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: AND ITS LOWKEY REALLY ANNOYING LOL, Abandonment, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dave | Technoblade and Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit are Siblings, EVEN THOUGH THEY LINE UP REALLY CLOSELY, Emotional Manipulation, Exiled TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Family Dynamics, Fluff, Gaslighting, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Not Beta Read, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Tommyinnit Has Abandonment Issues, i started writing this right after the beach party stream, so all events after that are not canon in this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:20:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28208226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonyellowlogic/pseuds/lemonyellowlogic
Summary: Tommy turned his head to the side and almost jumped out of his skin as he saw his piglin brother staring at him with his sharp white eyes.He flinched back, a shout caught in his throat as he began coughing hard. Techno cursed and helped Tommy sit up, a warm hand steady on his back as he attempted to cough his lungs out. As he finished coughing, he looked over at his brother, eyes clearly filled with confusion but also guilt and fear, “Tech? Why am I here?”Techno pursed his lips, “You were out in the snow, Tommy. I thought you were dead.”He looked down, “Sorry.”-o-tommy leaves logstedshire and goes to find technoblade in the middle of the tundra.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 73
Kudos: 1718
Collections: Completed stories I've read, Cute MCYT





	freezing heat

**Author's Note:**

> i started writing this after the events of tommy's beach party, so everything that happens to line up with canon is straight up accidental lol

Ghostbur hadn't been back in a week. Tommy had been counting the days since he said he'd be back, but he still hadn't returned. _It’s only going to be a day trip_ , he had told Tommy excitedly, _a trip to the beach with everyone and I’m sorry you can’t come, but I’ll show you pictures when I return!_

Tommy had swallowed back the hurt and smiled shakily, nodding and saying _it was okay but you better be back soon_ , chuckling a laugh with nothing behind it. Ghostbur had clasped his shoulder and nodded with a smile. He hugged him and then stepped through the portal with a wave. He hadn’t been back since. 

Tommy had barely left his tent, standing up only to get food and more wood for the campfire, just waiting to not be alone again.

Dream had visited him every day, laughing at his pitiful display in the tent and Tommy had just taken it, flinching at the hard words and laughter but not looking away from the swaying waves of the ocean.

Soon enough, even Dream had gotten bored of Tommy. Of course he had, Tommy was useless, boring, worth nothing to anyone, most of all his family.

Finally, Tommy sat up from his cot and looked away from the water. He sniffled, tears coming to his eyes as he realized no one really was going to come for him. Not Tubbo, not Quackity, no Fundy, not even Ghostbur or Dream.

Why? Why won’t anyone visit? Is it his fault? Is it because he’s just so worthless that he’s not even worth company? If it’s not his fault, then why won’t they come? It has to be his fault then, it has to be something that he was doing wrong.

Tommy thought of the nether, the thick, viscous lava that pooled at the bottom of the hellscape. He thought about how there were no railings to protect people from falling into it and being eaten up by fire and ash. 

He thought of the overworld, how there was an ocean just a walk away. He thought of how it might just flood his lungs and sink him to the deepest depths, being fed on by squid and fish until there was nothing behind but bones.

One was hot and burned, the other was cold and froze. Both were available to him, so if he was going to be alone forever, why not be alone and happy? Free?

He swallowed and shook his head, his dirty, oily hair falling in front of his eyes. 

No, not yet. He needed...he needed to fix everything first. He...he thought of the cold. Techno lived close enough, far in the tundra, but closer than anyone else. Tommy swallowed. If no one visited him the next day, he’d...he’d go to Techno. Maybe just to argue, maybe to talk. But...he won’t be alone.

-o-

No one came. The portal did fizz and bubble like someone was going to come out of it, laughing and smiling at Tommy like they did when he was still important, but instead, it was just a Piglin who attempted to slice through his gut when he saw him. Tommy had killed it, but he had always hated killing piglins. His brother was one, how could he do that without feeling bad.

Speaking about his brother, he...he was still out there. Miles upon miles away, but still closer than anyone else. He had to go see him. Tommy blamed him for everything, for Wilbur's death and the destruction of L’manburg, but he was still Tommy’s big brother, his old savior.

He wouldn’t just turn him away, would he?

Tommy didn’t care, shaking the thoughts away as he put on the dirty, ripped coat Ghostbur had given to him on their first days in Logstedshire. It was Wilbur’s, from when they were in isolation in Pogtopia, when Wilbur threatened Tommy every day and screamed at him until his ears rang and tears pricked his eyes. 

It had a perfect slice in the back of it, from where Philza’s sword had stabbed through his brother and killed him, but it was still warm enough to keep Tommy alive as he trekked through snow.

He swallowed, gathering his tools and placing them in a backpack along with some carrots he had farmed. He didn’t have a tool belt like he had in L’manburg, Dream had destroyed it when they got to Logsted. Tommy only had a sheath he sloppily made out of some leather and which now hung on his also new and messily made belt with his sword inside.

He gnawed at his lip, nodding to himself as he slipped on some leather boots that he hoped would do their best to block the snow and gravel out.

He stood from where he had been sitting on his bed. He thought of leaving a note in case anyone visited the empty campsite, but he decided against it. No one was going to visit anyway, he’d just be hurting himself and wasting valuable time before the sun set.

He stood up, shrugging on the backpack over his coat. He walked away from Logstedshire and began his trek towards the cold, snowy plains his brother resided in.

-o-

It had been hours since he’d last been warm. He’d seen some villages out of the corners of his eyes, but he didn’t dare stop and forget where he was going. He swallowed, his mouth dry and his throat aching from the cold. His teeth were chattering as the sun dipped deeper in the sky. He was just so cold, so fucking cold. 

He didn’t know where he was, if he was even going in the right direction. He tried to take another stumbling step, but his leg fell underneath him, toppling him into the snowy ground. He groaned, trying to push himself up and failing. He couldn’t move, he was just too cold. The sun had set, no one was going to find him, help him. The monsters were going to tear him apart or he’d just freeze. 

Tears spilled over his reddened cheeks and stung his cracked lips, he didn’t want to go just yet. He still needed for his family to be happy. He...he...he didn’t care anymore. If he died here or later, he’d still be happy in the end. He swallowed. He stopped resisting, stopped trying to crawl forwards through the snow. He just let go, letting his eyes fall shut as his arms clutched the sides of his ratty coat.

He let himself fall away.

-o-

Technoblade had blinked awake as the sunlight came streaming in through his window. The sun rose early in the winter and he groaned, turning away from its light. He tried to go back to sleep and he pulled his overs over his face, but it didn’t work. He grumbled as he threw the blankets off of himself and stepped out of bed. 

He shivered as the cold air bit at him, but he ignored it, pulling on his cloak and tugging on his boats before attaching his sword to his hip and walking out of his house with a yawn.

He was going to head in the direction of the turtles to check on them quickly, but he saw a strange lump in the snow some hundred or so feet away. He narrowed his eyes, peering at it from under his hand, but he couldn’t get a good look at it. He sighed, pushing the loose strands of hair away from his face and beginning the march through the snow towards it.

He guessed it was a fox or some zombie that had hid under the snow in an attempt to not burn, but whatever it was, he was still curious about it.

But as he grew closer, the less he wanted to know what it was but the faster he ran. He knew that blond hair too well for it to belong to anyone else but his brother. He slid to his knees next to him, gathering the partially snow-covered body in his arms. His hands trembled as he saw his youngest brother’s blue lips and freezing nose. He clutched him to his chest and picked him up, running as fast as he could back to his cottage. He could only pray he wasn’t dead yet.

He placed Tommy gently on his bed where he'd been sleeping just ten minutes earlier, and he pressed his ear to his brother’s chest. He held his breath and prayed to a god he didn’t believe in, his fingernails cutting into his skin and he clenched his fists.

Finally, he heard a weak thump and felt a soft inhale from Tommy’s chest. Techno could’ve collapsed with how relieved he was. He immediately ripped off Tomy’s ratty boots and threw the blanket on top of him, rushing to his basement to grab a healing potion and slowly letting its contents dribble into Tommy’s mouth.

He didn’t leave the side of Tommy’s bed for hours, sitting on a stool with his elbow against his knee and fist pressed up against his mouth.

How could he let Tommy get this bad? So desperate that he would dare to trek the harsh cold of the tundra with a thin coat and badly made boots? Techno should've done more. He shouldn’t’ve just accepted that Tommy hated him, hated him for helping destroy L’Manburg, but he didn’t know his brother was so torn up over it.

Techno knew he was in the right over what he did, they had used him as a weapon and ignored his values, using his power to create another restricting government. They were in the wrong and Techno knew what he did was good, but Tommy was just a kid. A kid who had gone through too much trauma and pain for his age, and Techno had added to it. 

He had finally gotten his home back just for one of his brothers to blow it up and the other to hurt his friends and help destroy the country further. He wasn’t thinking about how his actions could hurt Tommy, he wasn’t aware. He should've been, but he wasn’t.

He knew Tommy hated him, the boy had made it very aware whenever they’d happen to see each other and when Techno had visited Tomy the first day of his exile. 

God, his exile. Techno had failed Tommy. He...he knew his brother was completely alone, except for Ghostbur, but Ghostbur was just a shell, a husk of who he used to be. He wasn’t whole, and Tommy was essentially alone for weeks, no one to talk to or listen to him. 

Techno didn't know how long it had been since Tommy was left alone in the plains and stripped of all his possessions after his best friend had exiled him without a look in his direction, but he knew it was enough time for him to have visited his little brother more.

As his thoughts swirled deeper and deeper around him and made him regret more and more, he almost didn't notice Tommy stirring, but he did. He shot up out of his seat and kneeled next to the bed, staring at Tommy’s face.

Tommy’s eyes squinted, and he blinked them open a few times to help them focus. He didn’t know where he was, but he was warm, and he wasn’t dead. The wooden ceiling above him was something he hadn’t seen in weeks, Logstedshire was open-roofed and his tent was made of wool.

He turned his head to the side and almost jumped out of his skin as he saw his piglin brother staring at him with his sharp white eyes.

He flinched back hard, a shout caught on his throat as he began coughing hard. Techno cursed and helped Tommy sit up, a warm hand steady on his back as he attempted to cough his lungs out As he finished, he looked over at his brother, eyes clearly filled with confusion but also guilt and fear, “Tech? Why am I here?”

Techno pursed his lips, “You were in the snow, Tommy. I thought you were dead.”

He looked down, “Sorry.”

“Sorry? About what, Tom? That you’re not dead, ‘cause I’m actually glad you’re not.”

Tommy looked away, tears pricking at his eyes and he sniffled, arms wrapping around his knees, letting his head fall on top of them. Techno cursed, cautiously and awkwardly wrapping his arms around his youngest brother, sitting down on the bed next to him. The boy jumped, but not as harshly as before, a moment passing before he began to cling to Techno’s arm as he started to cry, burying his face in his chest.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t listen.”

Techno placed his chin on top of Tommy’s head, holding the teenager close to his chest, “You didn't deserve this, Tom.”

Tommy hiccuped, his tears slowing but his face still leaning against Techno. Techno pulled away and gently wiped a tear from Tommy’s cheek. He gave his brother an awkward smile and Tommy gave him a nervous one back. Techno rubbed at the back of his neck, “Uh, you hungry? It’s like dinner time now.”

Tommy snorted, and he shook his head. “I’m...I’m just tired.”

“Okay. I’ll be here if you need me.”

“I’ll be…I’ll be fine.”

“Okay...I’m gonna stay regardless, though.”

“...Thanks.”

-o-

After a week, Tommy and Techno had found a nice sort of routine around each other. Every morning, Techno would wake up first and check on his turtles and bees, collecting any scutes that were dropped and filling bottles with honey. He’d return to the cabin to shake Tommy awake before making breakfast for them both. Tommy wouldn’t speak much, sitting on the loveseat most days and just reading as Techno sharpened a sword or practiced fighting alone.

They’d have a few empty conversations throughout the day before they both grew tired and Tommy went to sleep on Techno’s bed, Techno sleeping on the couch downstairs.

Techno was worried. It wasn’t like Tommy to barely speak, to be this quiet. Finally, during a dinner of steak and potatoes, he brought it up.

“I’m...worried about you, Tom.”

The boy's head shot up and his eyes grew wide with worry and guilt.

“I’m sor-”

Tecno rose a hand, “Don’t be, kid. I’m just...confused. Why are you here, first off? I thought you had your own little plot of land and home with Wil...Ghostbur now?”

Tommy flinched, wrapping his arms around himself and ignoring his plate which now rested next to him.

“I...I was lonely.”

“What?” Techno asked, confused.

Tommy nodded, gnawing at the inside of his mouth, “No one visited. I’d have a few people come for a few minutes and say hello, but they didn't want to spend time with me or help me, they just wanted a look around. Even...even Ghostbur left. He was...there was a big beach party in L’manburg and he was invited. Everyone was invited. Everyone except me.”

He sniffled and clenched his fists, “I had invited everyone to my own beach party a few days before. I made a cake and had decorations and everything, but no one came. I thought that maybe they just weren't in the mood for parties, but then they threw one for themselves. They...they don’t want me. Ghostbur never came back, I don’t know why. I don't know what I did wrong.”

Tommy's shoulders began to shake and Techno could only see red. He hadn’t heard of a party, but he trusted that Tommy knew what he spoke about. How dare they, abandon his little brother and then mock him as an inside joke?

“That’s wrong of them, Tommy. You didn't deserve that.”

“But I have to had, Techno. I...there’s something wrong with me, isn’t there?” He looked up and Techno saw a weak smile n his brother’s face, shaky as his eyes began to fill with tears.

“There has to be a reason they all hate me. I..it was a prank! I stole some of his, some of George’s things as a joke, but they all hated me. Even Tubbo, he hated me so much that he banished me for doing things everyone had done before. What’s so wrong with me? Is it the way I talk, look? What is it, Techno? What is it?”

Techno had never seen Tommy this broken down before, not when Phil had first found him alone and shaking in an alleyway, abandoned, not when Wilbur had died, not when they were kids and Techno and he had screamed at each other for hours until Techno had eventually yelled that he wished he didn't have a brother. All those times, no matter how broken, Tommy’s eyes still had life in them, a want to move forward and to get on with life. But now, they were empty. The blue had all but seeped out from them and left only an empty grey behind.

Techno reached out and gingerly grabbed Tommy’s hands, making the boy look at him, “...Tommy, it’s not your fault. You’re a good person, sure, you’ve made a couple mistakes, but no one deserves this. It's...the power got to their heads, Tommy. Dream got into Tubbo’s mind and convinced him to do things he didn’t want to do. Tubbo...he still cares, I promise you. That kid loves you more than anything else, he didn’t want to do this”

“Then why did he? We could've been good, could've gotten my discs back and been happy, but he didn’t...he..he left me behind, Tech. Everyone leaves me behind. Wilbur, Tubbo, Phil, even you.”

Techno could feel tears pricking his own eyes but he ignored it and hugged his brother.

“I’m sorry, Tommy. You didn’t...you don't deserve this. I treated you wrong, and you didn't do anything to deserve it. I...I’m sorry, Tommy, and I hope you can forgive me.”

The teenager hiccuped, and slowly nodded as Techno pulled away. Techno gave him an awkward but gracious smile and handed Tommy back his food, “Eat, you’re wasting away.”

Tommy huffed a small laugh but brought his fork to his mouth and gingerly began to eat. 

-o-

“Techno?”

“Hmm?”

Techno turned around from when he had been practicing, his sword still hanging in the icy air. Tommy frowned as the cold wind blew harshly against his cheeks and he wrapped the pale blue jacket Techno had gifted him tighter around himself. Techno snorted, and Tommy glared, “Shut up. I’m trying to ask you something, asshole.”

Techno let his sword fall and leaned his elbow on the pommel of it, smirking at his brother, “What is it?”

“I...wanted to know if you’ll teach me.”

“Teach you what?”

Tommy rolled his eyes but his red cheeks betrayed his embarrassment, “Ya know, sword fighting.”

The piglin’s brow furrowed, “Sword fighting? Why’d you want to learn that?”

He shrugged, “Dunno. Thought it’d be fun or like...whatever. It’s fine, I’ll just-”

“Sure.”

Tommy turned back around his eyes bright and a cautious rin on his face, “Wait, really?”

Techno shrugged, “Why not.”

An excited smile spread across Tommy’s face and he ran forward and launched himself at his older brother, wrapping his arms around his middle. Techno tensed, but cautiously put his gloved hand on the back of Tommy’s head. He hugged him back, a small smile on his face as his little brother pulled away and grinned up at him.

-o-

Tommy was a quick learner, and he was better at fighting than Techno thought he was. With his gangly limbs and awkward height, Techno assumed his fighting would be...less than average, to be polite. But no, as soon as Tommy was handed a sword and told to swing it, he did, and he did it hard and strong. 

Techno had to adjust his stance and correct his swings many times, but each time he did, the teenager would do better and better, not arguing the critiques and just letting himself improve. Techno was proud of him and told him so after Tommy had learned how to parry correctly.

Tommy had tensed, looking at Techno’s face in shock and confusion, as if he couldn't understand how Techno could say so. Techno’s brow had furrowed, but he smiled anyway, grabbing Tommy's shoulder and nodding down at him. Tommy gave him back a cautious smile, he didn't trust Techno’s words just yet but he knew he could someday.

-o-

The life they had lived the last few weeks had been great and Tommy had enjoyed it even more than he had during the few weeks he lived in L’manburg after the Pogtopia war, but things changed again when Phil appeared.

Tommy had been on his hands and knees, his hands deep in dirt a few hundred feet away from the cottage. There was a natural spring here and Techno had already started a turtle farm with a potato farm mirroring it, and he had given Tommy his blessing to add carrots to his very obviously cared about the farm. 

Tommy relished in the trust of his elder, knowing that he truly had to have enjoyed Tommy’s company to allow him to go anywhere near his farm. 

As he walked back to the cottage with gloves on his hands and thick coat on his back, arms filled with carrots, he noticed a new black horse next to Carl in Techno’s stable. He guessed Tech had gotten a new one so he ignored it, walking into the house with only a tiny bit of concern lining his brow.

That concern turned to fear as both his piglin brother and winged father turned to look at him as he crossed the threshold of the house, cutting off their quiet conversation.

“Tommy?” Phil asked, confusion and relief clear in his voice.

Tommy looked at Techno in fear but his brother was just pinching his brow. He swallowed, holding the vegetables closer to his chest than before, “Uh...hi, Phil?”

His father rushed forward, grabbing the boy in his arms and holding him close to his chest. Tommy tensed, scared. He hadn’t seen his father since he was in Logstedshire, where he dropped by with Techno one day, just cracking jokes and not helping him, leaving him alone at the end of the night like everyone else. Techno had already apologized for his actions and Tommy had forgiven him, but his father was a different story.

Phil pulled back, cupping Tommy’s face in his hands as his eyes passed over all of him, relief relaxing his shoulders, “I haven’t seen you in so long, Tommy. I’ve been so worried, you have no idea.”

Tommy pushed him away, “No, you haven’t,“ He spat.

“What?” He was confused but Tommy was hurt.

“You didn’t care, y-you left me alone, Phil. How long was it until you noticed I wasn't there?”

“I-Tommy, I noticed-”

“You did? Then why didn’t you look for me? Why didn’t you come here sooner?”

“I didn’t know where you were, Tommy! I was just speaking to Techno about where he thought you might be.”

“I...what?”

“He’s not lying, Tom,” Techno sighed, walking over, “He said when he came here that I was his last resort, that he’d been searching for weeks since he noticed and that he didn’t think you’d be here with me.”

“I-”

“Tommy, I’m so sorry.” Phil grabbed Tommy’s shoulders, looking at him in the eyes as both pairs of blue eyes began to water, “I’ve been looking for you ever since I found Logstedshire deserted, I would never have stopped looking.”

“I...why didn’t you stay with me then?”

“Stay?”

“In Logstedshire,” Tommy wiped his eyes harshly, “You knew I was there but you and Techno both left me there, why?”

“I…” He swallowed and sighed, his voice regretful, “I thought you were having a good time. I thought that it wasn’t a true exile and that it was just a vacation like Wilbur-sorry, Ghostbur- had been saying. After I found the place deserted, I went back to L’manburg and asked around for you, but was just told the same thing from everyone, even Tubbo: that you’d been exiled for burning down a house.”

Tommy flinched, “I didn’t burn it down, a...a couple things were burnt but it wasn’t on purpose.”

“I know, I know. I know what you’re like Tommy and doing malicious things like that isn’t like you. Dream said that you’d been missing from Logsted for a bit when I first looked for you, a couple weeks ago or so.”

“Dream...checked on me?”

Philza hummed, “He did, but I didn’t want to believe him. But, I couldn’t find you. I haven't spoken with anyone else, but it doesn’t seem like they have any clue you're even missing..”

Tommy flinched again and he looked at the floor, “So, none of them looked for me…”

Techno hugged his little brother with one arm as he led the group of three to the sofa to speak, “I'm sorry, Tommy.”

Tommy shrugged weakly, ignoring his wet eyes and looking at the floor, “It’s okay, I guessed they wouldn't've, but..it still hurts.”

Phil sat on his youngest son’s other side, and held him too, “I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner, Tommy, you didn't deserve the pain of believing I didn’t care.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you’re here now.”

Philza smiled and kissed the top of his son’s head, letting the broken boy lay in his family’s arms and sleep soundly.

-o-

Philza didn’t go back to L'manburg after he found Tommy and Techno, living with them instead. There wasn’t enough space, so with the help of his boys, they extended the cabin to make three more rooms, one for Phil, one for Tommy, and one for storage. Tommy got his own bed, the first time since he was in L’manburg, and finally didn’t have to sleep in a cot or a bed that didn't belong to him.

Phil joined in on teaching Tommy how to fight some days, the three making a game out of it instead of teaching most days. Tommy didn't care how many times he was tossed into the snow, his laughter echoing louder and louder each day.

-o-

One day, at dinner, as the three ate, Tommy cleared his throat, “Uhh, Techno?”

Techno looked up at Tommy from where he had been eating, “Hmm?”

“Do you think it’d be okay if...ya know…”

“Ya know? Ya know what, Tommy?”

“If we had a cow farm? Like before, in Pogtopia?”

Techno’s brow raised, but Phil answered for him, “I don't see why not.”

Tommy smiled, but he still seemed nervous, “Thanks, Phil.”

Techno rolled his eyes, “What else is it you're not saying? I see that look in your eyes.”

“Oh-uh-well, there’s a specific cow-a mooshroom actually-that lives in Logstedshire. I was hoping we could bring him here.”

“How the hell didja get a mooshroom there? The closest mushroom island is miles and miles away?”

Tommy shrugged, “Someone gave him to me as a gift, to pity me in my first few days there, Ant, Dream’s friend, I think. I didn’t want to keep him, but he grew on me and I couldn’t just give him away or let him die.”

Techno sighed, “Fine, we can go get the cow. Anything else you need?”

“I...I dunno.”

“How about,” Phil raised a finger, “The two of you go on a trip to Logstedshire and grab everything Tommy needs from there. Then, Tommy gets exactly what he needs without having to go back there ever again.”

Tommy’s mouth twisted up but he nodded, “Fine.”

“Great,” Techno stretched out his back, “Logsted finale, we won’t need to go back to that sad little plain ever again, huh?”

Tommy swatted at him, “It’s not sad!”

“Then what is it, kid?”

Phil chuckled as his eldest and youngest bicker over nothing important as he continued to eat his carrots.

  
  
  


-o-

“Oh, hi, Tommy!”

Tommy felt himself freeze as he heard that voice. He swallowed and turned around slowly, “Hey, Ghostbur.”

The happy-go-lucky ghost waved, smiling wide, “I missed you!”

Tommy pursed his mouth, looking down and kicking the dirt at his feet. He and Techno had traveled back to Logstedshire the night before and had found it untouched. Techno had taken the job of hauling back all of the objects they needed but it was Tommy's job to bring back Mushroom Henry. Techno had left minutes earlier and Tommy was just about to start heading after him when Ghostbur stepped through the glowing nether portal.

“You...missed me?”

“Yeah! I forgot to come back here after the party, but I did come back! You weren’t here though. Where _did_ you go, Tommy? I couldn't find you and Dream was getting mad ‘cause he didn’t know where you were either.”

Tommy swallowed, “It doesn’t matter, I...bye.”

“Don’t go yet, Tommy! I’ve been coming back here to look for you for weeks now!”

“You have? Has...has anyone else?”

“I...no, I’ve always come alone, but I could ask them to come!”

Tommy winced, flinching back, “It doesn’t matter.”

“Tubbo talked to me about coming with me one day, but after I told him you were missing, he just said that he didn’t have time to look. But maybe now he could!”

“He...he didn’t have the time? To try and find me? I...how many people knew I was missing, Wilbur?”

The ghost hummed, rocking on his heels, "Hmmm...a lot. Dream had been asking around for a while and we all...knew...but that doesn’t mean they stopped caring! We’ve been busy with Christmas! You understand right?”

Tommy shrugged, turning away from the shell of his brother, “Sure, bye, Ghostbur.”

“I’ll come with you!”

The ghost floated next to Tommy and started following him and Tommy just ignored him like he ignored the tears pricking at his eyes.

-o-

“Uh, Tom? Is that Ghostbur?”

Phil asked as Tommy walked into the house after putting Mushroom Henry in the stables. He ignored his father and just walked into his room, slamming the door behind him while Ghostbur just floated around aimlessly.

“Hi, Philza! How’re you?”

“I’m good, Ghostbur. Now, why did you follow Tommy back here?”

“I wanted to spend time with him! I didn’t know where he'd been for a while and wanted to see him again, but I didn’t know you’d be here! I missed you too!!”

He smiled at the cheerful ghost of his son, “I missed you as well, Ghostbur, now, stay here for a bit, okay?”

“Okay!”

Phil walked to Tommy’s door, knocking on it a few times and quietly asking, “Can I come in?”

He heard a sniffle and a muffled, “No.”

“Tommy, please.”

A beat passed before he heard a quiet, “Fine.”

He opened the door and locked it behind him before looking at his son, who clearly had been crying. He sat down on the bed next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, “What’s wrong?”

Tommy shook his head, “Nothing. Ghostbur just told me...something and I...wasn’t ready for it.”

“What did he say, Tommy?”

“It’s not important.”

“Tommy.”

Tommy looked at him, a rare glare in his eyes, “It’s nothing, Phil, just leave me alone, okay?”

Phil pursed his lips but sighed with a shallow nod, “Okay, Tommy, if you say so.” He stood up slowly and hugged his youngest once more before he left the room and closed the door with a quiet click.

He pinched his brow as he walked out and saw a puzzled Techno sitting on the couch next to Ghostbur, “Uh, Phil? Why is he here?”

Phil took a breath and plastered a small smile onto his lips, “He followed Tommy back, nothing more. Are you planning on staying for a while, Will?”

The ghost looked uncomfortable, “I’m...not Will. I’m Ghostbur!”

Phil winced but continued anyway, “Sorry, are you planning on staying, Ghostbur, then?”

“Maybe! I haven’t chosen yet! I'm going to go and visit the SMP still, though! And L’manburg! Have you seen it anytime soon? It looks beautiful!”

“Cool, Ghostbur, but Tommy and I aren’t allowed in L’manburg, ‘member?”

Ghostbur hummed, stroking an invisible beard, “Well, you’re only banished and Tommy’s in exile, so maybe you and Phil could come!”

Phil patted the ghost on the back, his face falling as he felt the coolness of the spirit and how almost intangible he was, “We’ll talk about it later, but now we have dinner to get ready, okay?”

“Okay!”

-o-

At dinner that night, it was tense, with Tommy’s obviously still red eyes and no appetite as he stared down at his meal and ignored Ghostbur’s babbling. Phil and Techno looked at each other, Phil prodding at Techno with his eyes to start talking. 

The piglin sighed before he cleared his throat, “So, uh, I was thinking about bringing Tommy to the nether, moving the sword fightin’ to there to maybe learn to fight around lava and other dangerous stuff, sound interestin'?

At the mention of the nether portal, Ghostbur looked excited and popped up while Tommy just slumped down further in his seat, not even bothering to push his food around his plate and instead just staring at it.

“Well, Tommy? Would you want to try practicing fighting in the Nether? I think it’d be fun.” Phil prodded, figuratively poking the bear to see if it’ll react. 

Tommy just sighed, blowing his overgrown bangs out of his face, “Sounds great, sure.”

“Do you think you need a haircut, Tommy? You’re starting to look more like me and Phil,” Techno teased, making a reference to both of their long hair. His wasn’t great to have in battle, but he liked how it looked on him, so it was a worthy trade-off. 

Tommy shrugged again, “No, it’s fine.”

He stood up suddenly, “Can I be excused?”

Techno looked at him and narrowed his eyes, brow furrowing as he stared at him for a few seconds, but then he sighed, “Fine. I’ll wake you up tomorrow for practice, okay?”

“Great.” He shoved back and moved his chair, stalking out of the kitchen and back into his bedroom. Techno sighed, laying his head on the table as Wilbur looked down and Phil carded his fingers through the eldest’s hair and scratched at his scalp.

“You know, I think this may just be teenage rebellion, you and Wilbur were doing a lot of the same around this time in your lives.”

Techno grumbled into the table that that was a lie, but it was overshadowed by Ghostbur’s happy exclamation of actually remembering the time. Phil grinned and laughed at Techno’s loud groan into the wood.

Meanwhile, Tommy just sat on his bed and listened to his family laugh. He gripped his arms and shallowly rocked as scared tears came to the surface. They were going to abandon him, weren’t they? Have fun with each other and think Tommy is too annoying to include him and leave him behind again. He knew it would happen sooner or later, but he didn't want them to leave him yet.

He didn’t know what to do, but he did know that they'd eventually decide on leaving him again, so he needed to make a plan and quickly.

-o-

Tommy swung his sword with a guttural grunt, groaning in annoyance as he missed Techno and his sword slumped to the ground. He took a few deep breaths before looking up at his brother with a tired glare and aching limbs. He tried to stand up straight again, but Techno had shaken his head, pursing his lips as he placed a hand on his little brother’s shoulder, “Let’s be done for the day, Tommy.”

“I’m fine, come on, let me-”

“Yeah, you keep saying that, Tommy. But, I’m not gonna be the reason Phil yells at you for exhausting yourself, so come on, kid.”

Tommy glared at him as Techno walked back towards the portal without looking back. Tommy scowled, sitting down with a thump on the netherrack, ignoring how it stained his clothes red and staring forwards. He didn’t care what Phil wanted, or what Techno did.

Why should he? They’re just going to leave him like everyone else. 

He gazed forwards, sighing heavily as he saw a stream of lava pour into the sea hundreds of feet below him. He edged closer to the edge of the peninsula the portal had spawned onto. He swallowed as he saw the bubbling lava below and took in a breath. He edged closer, but he then panickedly threw himself back and stood up as he heard the portal hum.

“Hi, Tommy! Phil told me to come get you for dinner! They made mushroom soup with Mushroom Henry!”

Tommy let out a scared breath that was stuck in his chest as he heard Ghostbur instead of Techno or Phil, they would've definitely asked more questions about him taking so long.

Tommy didn’t know why he was afraid of being caught looking at the lava, but he was. 

"Yeah, fine, I'm coming, Ghostbur."

He shakily stood up, allowing himself a moment to look at the lava a moment longer before turning around, with his hands in his pockets and his sword on his hip, walking back towards the purple portal Ghostbur patiently stood in front of.

"So, how was your day? Was it fun? I hope it was fun!"

Walking through the portal, Tommy held his breath, not letting it out until he could see snow around him instead of netherrack and stepping out. He pinched his brow as his vision settled before shrugging towards Ghostbur, "It was...good." 

He thought of the gurgling lava again.

-o-

Tommy sat in the living room, curled up on a couch as he looked at a book without reading the words. Ghostbur had gone back to L'manburg for the week but had promised over and over to return soon. He said the same thing before he disappeared from Logstedshire and left Tommy behind, so he didn't quite believe him.

He gnawed on his lip, flinching as he heard his father and living brother upstairs, talking about nothing in particular. Every time he heard his own name pass their lips, his heart beat faster in his chest. They were planning on banishing him, weren't they? Planning on exiling him and forcing him to be alone again?

He was scared for no reason, but a quiet knock on the front door gave him one. His heart jumped to his throat and he jumped behind the couch, crawling up the ladder and poking his head up, interrupting their conversation, mentally kicking himself for annoying them.

"There's...sorry, but there's someone at the door."

Techno's brow furrowed as he turned towards Tommy, "What?"

"I didn't know anyone but us two knew your address, Techno."

Techno's mouth turned into a concerned scowl at Philza's statement, "They don't. Stay here, Tommy."

Techno pushed Tommy to the side and crawled down the ladder. Tommy could hear Techno open the door, the wood creaking open as he cleared his throat, "Can I help you?"

"Technoblade."

Tommy's heart went to his throat at the sound of Dream's voice and he grabbed Phil's arm, holding it close to his chest and freezing in fear. Phil looked down at him confused, but slowly extracted his arm from the teenager's hold and instead wrapped both arms around him. He held the boy close to his chest as Tommy began to hyperventilate.

"Uh, hello, Dream. What business do you have all the way out here?"

"Well, Techno," Tommy heard the creak of wood as Dream leaned against the door frame, "I'm actually looking for Tommy, your brother. I went to go check up on him, as usual, a few days ago, and he was nowhere to be found. Have any answers or ideas of where he might be? " 

He tried peering over Techno's shoulder but Techno adjusted his stance so he couldn't enter.

"Tommy and I aren't on good terms. The last time I saw him was the first day of his exile and he screamed at me to leave. I haven't seen any missing tools or materials so I doubt him being around here. Good luck on finding him, though."

Techno's voice was monotone and void of emotion throughout his entire statement, showing nothing to Dream. 

He attempted to close the door on Dream when the masked man shot his hand out and grabbed the door, "You wouldn't be lying to me, would you, Techno?" 

His words were threatening but Tommy could almost hear the intimidating grin behind them, "You know what could happen if you do." 

Tommy wanted to throw up, he couldn't stop shaking in Philza's arms.

"And you know what could happen if you test me again, Clay.” He spat out his true name, “I know nothing, now get off my property." Techno bared his tusks, his white eyes narrowed and seeming to glow dangerously. 

The two kept eye contact for a few moments before Dream broke it off with a chuckle, "I trust you not to do anything, Technoblade. Try to stay out of politics, my friend, it'll save you from heaps of trouble. If you hear anything, you and Phil are always allowed into the Dream SMP. Remember that."

With that, he gave Techno a two-finger salute and walked away, not looking back as Techno's eyes continued to burn a hole into his skull. He slowly closed the door and let out a shallow breath as he leaned against it. 

He heard a creak of the ladder and opened his eyes to see Phil trying to come down.

"Don't," The piglin quietly but cautiously said, his eyes slowly moving to the window next to him, where he could still see Dream walking away with a glance back at the cottage every fifty or so feet.

"It's not safe to come down yet, I'll go up to you."

Phil breathed out, "Okay, Tommy's not doing great."

Techno nodded, looking around him before climbing up the ladder and seeing his brother sitting on the floor, his hair gripped in his hands and his knees brought up close to his chest as he slowly rocked back and forth. Techno sighed, sitting next to him and quietly asking, "Can I touch you right now?"

Tommy's head shot up as he looked at his brother, eyes red and puffy with tears. A beat passed before he nodded his head fiercely and pushed himself towards Techno, falling onto him and forcing the piglin to hold him in his arms. 

Techno let out a breath as the thin but lanky teen plopped himself on top of him, but he didn't care too much. He held his brother, moving the boy’s head to his shoulder he continued to hyperventilate. He looked at Phil in panic and need for help, and his father offered it, sitting down next to the two and stroking Tommy's back, "It's okay, Tommy, you're okay. Dream's gone."

Tommy was quiet as he spoke, but the rambles were rapid-fire, spilling out of his mouth as he shook harder and harder, "He's gonna come back, though, I know he will, He'll never leave me alone, never, me being here is putting everyone in danger. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's all my fault-"

Phil shushed him quietly, "It's not your fault, we're all safe, Tommy. You're just a kid."

Tommy just shook his head, long blond hair falling in front of his eyes as he hiccuped, roughly rubbing his eyes, "It _is_ my fault, I wasn't good enough, Phil, and I know that."

"Tommy, no," He reached to hold Tommy's shoulder but the teenager flinched away. He looked up, eyes filled with hurt, fear, and a sort of resolution, and he quietly spat, "Leave me alone," before pushing himself up and running to the ladder, sliding down it and running to his room.

"Tommy!" Phil called after him but Techno grabbed his arm, "Let him leave, he needs his own space too, Phil."

Phil pursed his lips but sighed, gazing towards the ladder his youngest had escaped down, "I know, I just...don't want him to feel alone or to...do something he'll regret."

-o-

That night, Tommy couldn't sleep. That was normal, usual for him. He had slept on cold stone for months in Pogtopia and on rickety wooden cots before then, so after the war, when he was given a wool bed, he could barely get a lick of sleep, the comfortable mattress an oddity to his brain.

He stared up at the ceiling, counting the horizontal boards lined next to each other. He counted and counted them over and over again until he could hear Phil's snores and the sound of Techno's footsteps came to a close.

He laid down on his front and groaned into a pillow, pushing himself up after and sitting up. There wasn't anything to do. He could...go somewhere, leave before they could tell him to stay. Phil and Techno wouldn't be able to tell, he could just go.

He nodded to himself and slowly got out of bed, making sure his bed didn't creak. He tugged on his boots and shrugged on his thick blue coat, his sword at his hip and some food and water in a bag on his side. He creeped out of his room and out the front door, slowly closing it not to make a sound. He paused for a few moments as he stood outside the cottage, holding his breath to better hear inside the house.

No one stirred, and so Tommy just nodded towards Techno's horse, who continued to stare at him as he walked away but didn't make a sound. Tommy liked Carl, he was a good friend to Mushroom Henry.

Tommy wished he had a friend like that, one who kept him company because they liked him. Not because he could help them or made them look better, but because they honestly enjoyed his company, but he didn't have anyone like that.

Tubbo didn't care about him. He exiled him after Dream told him to, almost destroyed Tommy's discs to appease a dictator. He only wanted Tommy for leverage, not for friendship.

Tommy's feet dragged through the snow as he walked to the distant portal, but as he walked upon it, he couldn't help but run through it, relishing in the hot air of hell as he appeared there.

A small smile appeared on his lips and he didn't seem to care that his exhaustion had started to creep up on him. He laughed where he stood, successfully going against rules for the first time since before his exile. It felt nice. It felt good. He could do what he wanted, and no one could stop him.

No one could stop him. No one was even there to stop him in the first place. He had Techno and Phil, but only because he weaseled his way into their family. They didn't want him, he just refused to leave. They used to make jokes about his place in the family and they had seemed like obvious teases, but what if they were serious? 

What if he was only meant to be a joke? A space he forced them to carve out just filled by worthlessness. He didn't know.

Tommy didn't know. He knew no one wanted him, needed him. People cared about Wilbur even as he had hurt Tommy and pushed him too far. No one tried to help him when Techno had beaten the shit out of him in the pit. How...how could he trust Techno now?

At Wilbur's words, in an instant, he went from a stoic older brother who could protect him from anything to a terrifying killer who was fine with rubbing his blood onto the walls. Phil didn't even come until Wilbur was in danger, and then he killed Wilbur himself.

They were just planning on getting Tommy to become relaxed and happy, just to stab him in the back, kill him and take his last life like they did to Wilbur.

They were probably given diamonds by Dream to do it, they wouldn't be so evil to pretend they enjoy his company without something to profit from.

Tommy only heard Techno’s verbal conversation with Dream, they could've been trading books and letters describing how exactly to kill him so he'd become like Ghostur and behave all dumb and complicit.

Tommy wiped the tears that had begun to streak down his cheeks, and he chuckled bitterly. He figured it all out, hadn't he?

They were lying to him the entire time, and he took a step closer to the edge. He swallowed. If they had been planning on killing him the entire time and delivering his corpse to Dream, he wasn't going to let them. He'd die here and burn, leaving them all to be happy and not worry about their place in Dream's world. They wouldn't have to pretend anymore.

Tommy loved his dad and his brothers, but he knew they didn't love him. How could they, he was too fucked up, messy and chaotic and stupid and reckless, they'd be happy for him to die easier.

He'd make life easier for everyone, not excluding himself. All he had to do was take a few more steps, and he'd become as happy as Wilbur, joyful and dumb and forgetting the hurt everyone had caused him. He'd be able to see his family and not question the looks on their faces as he made jokes at his own expense. He'd be free, he'd be happy.

Tommy took another step, and then another. Good, only three to go. He took another, but heard a voice shout out, "Tommy!"

He flinched, turning around slowly and scared. His brother stood there, clothes clearly rustled and his sword barely hanging on his hip, potion bottles loose on his belt. His eyes were wide and confused, and his mouth hung open and showed off his shining tusks.

Tommy smiled sadly, tears pricking at his eyes, "I'm sorry, but...you’ll be happier, right?"

"What? What the fuck are you talking about, Tommy?" 

As Tommy took another step backward, Techno's eyes widened and he stuck out a hand, "Tommy, don't. Listen to me, I won't be happier with you gone, okay? Not me or Phil or anyone!"

Tommy bit at his lip, his smile starting to fall, "You wanted me dead to start with, don't backtrack now, big man." 

He could feel the edge of the netherrack at his heel and blissful heat behind him.

"I've never wanted you dead, Tommy, please get away from there, " Techno pleaded, more emotion in his voice than when he summoned withers and helped to destroy Tommy's home while laughing at his terror.

Tommy's mouth contorted and a tear splashed onto the netherrack, sizzling and spitting. He shook his head, "Tell Phil I'm sorry, but I'll see you guys soon, okay?"

"Tommy, no-!"

Techno ran forwards as Tommy took a final step backward, falling off the ledge and his body seeming to fall in slow motion towards the bubbling sea below. 

The boy whispered, "I'm sorry,” To no one in particular, and threw his head back to feel the wind whip at his face one last time.

Techno screamed in horror, ripping a fire-resistance bottle off his hip and jumping after Tommy. He threw the bottle, the glass breaking just as Tommy had hit the lava and his skin began to burn.

Techno hit the lava, the fire resistance covering him thinly, the heat unbearable around him but survivable. He grabbed Tommy's limp body and held it close to his chest, his eyes closed painfully tight. He kicked his legs to stay upright in the lava that almost stole his brother away forever. 

He swallowed and began the excruciating swim to land.

-o-

"Phil! Help!"

Phil jumped in his bed, his snore cutting off abruptly as he heard his eldest child's voice yell out. He looked around panickedly, seeing no one around.

"Phil!"

It had come from outside. Phil jumped out of bed and ran to the door, sprinting down the outside stairs in his pajamas as the frantic voice of his oldest called out again.

"Dad, please!"

Phil looked out at the field of snow and saw Techno a few hundred feet away, holding something. He cursed as his feet hit the icy snow but paid it no mind as he ran to his child, his heart leaping as he saw what was in his arms.

"Oh my god."

In the arms of his eldest was his youngest, his skin badly burnt and already beginning to peel and blister, his hair and clothing signed and smelling of ash.

Techno looked up at his father, and unshed tears shined in his eyes, "I...I tried my best, I don't...please help him."

Phil grabbed his younger son from Techno's arms and walked back with Techno, bile in his throat but determination in his eyes. When they got back to the cottage, he gently set his son down on his bed and had Techno grab him long-lasting fire resistance and regeneration potions, bandages, water, and a towel from the storage room.

Phil rubbed some of the fire resistance onto each of the blisters and burns and dribbled the remaining potion from the bottle into his mouth. He did the same with the regeneration potion, pouring it on the deeper burns and the ones that would scar darker and gently rubbing them into his skin. He gave him some to drink as well before wrapping each large burn with the bandages, delicately wrapping the side of his face as well and praying it didn't scar too badly.

As the potions began to take a stronger hold on the boy and his temperature and heart rate stabilized, both men let out breaths they had been holding in, Techno collapsing in on himself. Phil wrapped an arm around him, "What happened, Techno? What happened to Tommy?"

The piglin shook in his father's arms, "He...he tried to kill himself, Dad."

Phil's blood froze, "What?"

"I heard him get up and just followed him to the portal. I thought he was just going to practice, but then he started to walk closer and closer to the lava. He...he told me that we'd be happier without him, and then he just...he just let himself fall. 

I threw a potion at him but not soon enough, it's my fault he's hurt, it's my fault he almost died, Phil. This...this is the second time I found him almost dead and it's been my fault both times, I-"

Phil shushed his son, holding him close to his chest, "Don't do this. Don't blame yourself. It's not our fault that he tried to do this, but it's not his either. I'm proud of you for saving him, Techno, but we'll talk over everything when he wakes up. Then, we'll know what actually happened, okay?"

The piglin sniffled in a way Phil hadn't heard since his son was a mere child, and he felt a small smile rise to his lips. He kissed his eldest's head before he pulled away, “Now, let me fix you up, I know you got burned too."

Techno nodded shallowly, still staring off too far away but letting Phil bandage him up and fix him like he did to Tommy. After, Phil wrapped a wing around him and let him lean on his shoulder as he had as a child, exhaustion lulling him to sleep.

-o-

Tommy's skin felt tight as he blinked awake. He groaned, rolling over on his side and patting his ribs where it felt the tightest, but he only found a bandage covering it. 

He looked forwards and saw Techno leaning on Phil, both asleep and eyes rimmed red. Suddenly, all of his memories of the previous night came flying at him and he grew limp with guilt. He...he failed. He made Techno get hurt by trying to help him. God, he was a failure, a child who couldn't even kill himself correctly.

Tommy swallowed, looking away from his family as tears pricked his eyes and he got out of his bed and walked out the room, going to the door to the outside and sitting under the covered front, sitting next to the animals and letting the ice bite at his skin. He ripped off the bandage at his face and prodded at the burn, feeling the slick potion still remaining on his skin.

He shook, tears pooling in his eyes. He failed and made them waste potions he didn’t deserve. He wasn't wanted, they're going to have to deliver a broken body to Dream instead of a burnt one. It would've been better if he was just dead.

-o-

Techno opened his eyes, immediately looking at the bed to make sure Tommy was still there, but he wasn't. He blinked before jumping up, running to the bed, and rummaging through the blankets, praying he was just hidden.

He wasn't. He wasn't there.

"Tommy?" He started out quiet but the name grew in volume as he repeated it and he ran around the house, Phil waking up in a panic as he heard him. Techno had almost begun to scream the boy's name as he exited the front door and almost kicked the boy in the head.

Tommy had roughly flinched, looking at Techno as if he might hurt him, but Techno just fell to his knees and grabbed the boy, hugging him close to his chest, breathing out shakily.

"Dad, I found him," He called out, and a few moments later, Phil had opened the door, relief visible in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," Tommy whispered as he clutched his knees to his chest, refusing to look at his family.

"What? Why?" Phil kneeled down next to his sons.

"I didn't die, didn't make it easier for you guys."

Techno wanted to vomit at his brother's words. How could he think that his death would bring them anything but pain?

"Tommy, I can't..you’ll never know just how glad I am that I followed you to the portal last night. If you had died, I...I don't..." The piglin felt tears pricking at his eyes and he wanted to tuck his head away, hiding from the world around him, but he refused.

Phil held his shoulder, "Tommy, if you died, it would've broken us. You're our Tommy, our gremlin child. We love you, Tommy."

Tommy grabbed his hair, the tips still singed from the lava, and he pulled at it tightly, "Don't lie to me, I know you're using me. I know that the second I go out of line or when I'm finally happy, you'll bring me back to Dream, you'll leave me alone again like before."

"No, we won't. We will never do that, Tommy," Phil's voice was stern yet heartbroken as he grabbed his son's hand.

Tommy laughed brokenly, "Yeah, Tubbo said he'd always be at my side, and guess what happened? He fucking abandoned me and didn't even try to look for me when everyone thought I was fucking dead!"

He screamed before breaking down into sobs, wrapping his arms around himself and breaking down even more. 

"I...Tommy, I'm not going to pretend that I know the situation you're in. I've felt betrayed before, sure, but not like this. Tommy, it's not your fault." Techno said quietly.

"Of course it is, who else's fault would it be?"

"It's the people who betrayed you's faults. You made a mistake burning that man's house down, but no such mistake should deem this insanity right. Tommy." Phil firmly spoke.

"They...they were just doing what they thought was right."

"Thought. They thought they were right but they weren't. They were manipulated and didn't care about what happened as long as the outcome they were promised came to light."

"They didn't care about me."

"I..." Techno cut himself off as his lips pursed, clearly searching for something to say, and so Phil spoke instead.

"Tommy, you're just a kid who was forced to become involved with politics that weren’t made for children. It's not your fault." 

"I'm not a kid anymore, I'm not allowed to be a kid, dad," Tommy let the title flow out of his mouth for the first time in years but he didn't care, "Ever since Wil-Wilbur wanted to create L'manburg and I had to fight in the war, I haven't been free. I'm just stuck in politics and stuck being hated by everyone. 

“Y-you and Techno didn't even care until Wilbur was in danger, and now he's fucking dead. Why are you even still here? You could go back to fighting in tournaments and back to your big fancy homes, why do you stay here when there's nothing worth staying for?"

Techno sighed, saying quietly, "You should never have been involved with the government in the first place. Wilbur wasn't right to force you into a seat of power."

Phil bit at his lip before sighing, "Tommy, I should've come earlier. I didn't know of the horrors going on while you and Will were first banished, but I should've looked harder, deeper, and for that, I will always regret the decision to wait. Techno's right, though. You're a teenager, there's no morally right place to allow a child in politics. 

The government should've been controlled by someone mature and with a fully developed brain. How dare they elect children into office, it's not right. It wasn't right to throw you into war and to force teenagers to be presidents. I'm sorry I didn't do anything sooner, Tommy." Phil's fists were shaking at his side.

Tommy had stopped shaking and had looked up to see his family speak. Techno wanted to wince at the long burn scar already forming on the side of Tommy's face, but he refrained from looking at it. 

He grabbed his brother's hands and looked at him with hard eyes, 'Tommy, we're here for you. We-we care about you, ‘cause even though you're annoying and weird, you're still our Tommy. You deserve to stay a kid and to not worry about fighting, but you've been forced to; Phil and I'll will always regret letting you come here because of that. But, we did, we let you and Wilbur go and we have to live with that fact, not you.”

Phil grabbed his youngest son's hand and looked in his eyes, "I'm sorry, Tommy, you deserved better."

The teenager burst into tears again, covering his own face with his hands but feeling two pairs of arms wrap around him and keep him safe. He shook in their arms for minutes, sobbing, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"We forgive you, Tommy, just please, never try to leave us again." Phil murmured into his son's hair and he felt a faint nod from the boy and a barely audible, "I'll...I'll try, Phill."

"That's all I care about."

Techno hugged his brother tighter than he ever had before. Soon, the teenager shivered and Phil chuckled wetly. He kissed the crown of Tommy's head, smiling gently at him, "I think it's time we go inside, it's freezing out here."

"Yeah, okay," Tommy replied, still quiet but a tiny and cautious smile on his lips as he wiped his tears.

-o-

Techno forced himself to pay better attention. He started to notice Tommy's nails begin to scratch at his own skin when he was stressed or anxious. He started spending more time with him, teaching him how to fight and farm better. Tommy wasn't ever alone, always having his brother or his father at his side. Techno would farm his potatoes as Tommy farmed his carrots, making awkward conversation and making Tommy laugh like he was never hurt.

Whenever Phil had to leave to return to L'manburg because the citizens grew suspicious of his long vacations, Techno stayed up all night with Tommy, calming down his fears of Phil giving information to Tubbo and reminding him that they wouldn't hurt him.

The first time Phil returned, Tommy threw himself into his father's arms, gripping onto the back of his shirt tightly, but every time he came after, he held on looser and looser until he was just smiling as he leaned into his father's side.

After a few months, Techno allowed Tommy to go to the Nether with him, but every time he'd catch Tommy flinching at the sight of the lava, they'd go back home and train in the snow, letting Tommy remember he wasn't back there anymore.

-o-

One day, Dream visited again. It had been weeks since his last visit and almost half a year since Tommy's original exile. The scars on Tommy's body and face had faded, noticeable but now pink rather than deep red. 

Dream used to visit periodically, with Tommy hiding upstairs with Phil each time. But this time, Techno had gone out to the village, trusting Tommy and Phil to stay home alone, and Tommy wasn't expecting it.

The knock on the door was startling as always. Dream was always the only person to knock, as Tommy would kick down the door, Techno just opening it and Phil rapping his knuckles on the wood beforehand.

Tommy's heart constricted in his chest and he swallowed. Phil was asleep and if no one answered, Dream would go further, he had before when Techno was asleep when he arrived and he attempted to bust the door down. Techno didn't sleep for a week after that, always awake and staring at the door as his family slept to protect them.

Tommy swallowed and stood up from where he laid on his bed, leaving his room and standing in front of the front door. He attached his sword to his hip and sucked in a breath, letting it out as he opened the door, arms crossed.

"What?"

Dream jumped back, clearly not expecting the boy to answer.

"T-Tommy?"

"Yes? What is it?"

"I...so Techno has been harboring you here, then."

His hand edged closer to his axe and Tommy rolled in eyes, feigning nonchalance as his chest beat wildly in his chest, "Not harboring, really. Just letting me stay."

"I never said you could leave the campsite."

"It's been half a fucking year, Dream. You're still hung up on my exile? I haven't gone to L'manburg or the Dream SMP and haven't interacted with any of them or done any trading. I followed your rules even when I didn't have to, what do you want from me now?"

"I...Tommy, I'm your friend, don't do this."

"Don't do what?" Tommy's nails were digging into his skin now that there was no one to stop him to do so. The cold air bit at his skin, but still he refused to budge from where he stood.

"Don't act like you have any sort of power over me, you still answer to me, and if you think this little...this little runaway stunt will do anything but harm you, you're dead wrong."

Tommy rolled his eyes again, "I don't care. You're not my friend and never was, I don't have to listen to you anymore. I'm not one of your or Tubbo's citizens. I do what I want to and not what a masked bitch with a little axe tells me to, now fuck off from my house before you do something you regret."

Tommy could see the anger coming off of the mn and his grip on his axe tighten, "You little-"

"Hello, Dream, Tommy."

The monotone voice Tommy knew oh so well echoed from the left, and he turned to see his brother standing there with a sword in hand and a bag of goodies on his shoulder. His eyes were hard but his mouth in a cruel smile.

"Hey, Techno, was just talking to Dream here. He's quite a bore, right?"

"Very," Techno ruffled Tommy's hair, "Now, Dream," Techno turned his gaze towards Dream, expression uninterested but eyes gleaming, "I'd advise you do as my brother says and leave, you're not allowed on my property."

"...Fine, but this isn't over, Tommy."

"Sure, it isn't but you have no power over anyone, bitch, not just me."

Dream gritted his teeth together before he walked away, footsteps heavy and angry. Techno grabbed Tommy's arm and pulled him into the house, "Tommy, what the fuck was that? Why'd you open the door, you idiot?"

Tommy shrugged, a grin still on his face, "He knocked and Dad's asleep, I did what I had to."

Tehno rolled his eyes but grabbed his brother in a one-armed-hug, "Don't do that again, but good job. He's probably going to come back with an army now that he knows for sure that you're here."

"What army? His friends had been on the fence about him for weeks after my exile and he keeps coming alone. If he really had anyone on his side, they'd be here with him, but they're not, 'cause everyone's left him. It's sad, really."

Techno looked at him before snorting out a laugh, "Yeah, probably. What a nerd, doesn't even have friends. But you're probably still gonna be in trouble."

Tommy grinned back at his brother and climbed up the ladder. He jumped down on Phil's legs where he laid on the couch, asleep.

The man jumped awake, eyes blurry and confused "The fuck?"

"Hey, Phil, I scared away Dream and Techno's threatening me, make him go away, please."

"No, let Techno punish him," Techno pushed himself onto the second floor, "He definitely deserves it."

Phil pinched his brow from where he laid, "Ugh, do whatever you want, just leave me out of it." He turned over, muttering into his pillow, "Damn kids."

Techno grinned and Tommy paled as Techno stepped closer.

"I think it's been long enough that we can leave the house now, what'd you think, Tom?"

"I'm good with staying inside, thanks," He nervously smiled and Techno smirked back at him, "Whatever you say." 

Tommy elbowed his brother and tried to scurry away down the ladder but failed, his brother easily picking him up and tossing him over his shoulder.

"Hey!" Tommy screeched, punching at Techno's back as he demanded to be let down. Techno just snickered, opening the door and walking down the outside staircase to get downstairs.

Once they were outside, Techno threw the boy down into a pile of snow and laughed as his brother screeched at the audacity of his brother, "There's snow down my shirt, dickhead!"

"There's gonna be even more in a second if you don't start running," He tossed his coat down at the boy, grin wide on his face.

Tommy quickly pulled it on and scrambled up, bolting and throwing a grin behind him as he pulled the sword out of the sheath on his hip. He yelled behind him, "You can't even catch me, pigboy!"

"Oh, that's it," Techno started chasing after his brother with a grin, and Phil just watched from inside on the couch, warmed by the fire and looking out the window with a smile.

They'd worry about Dream tomorrow, worry about finding a new house and when Ghostbur would return and everything else tomorrow. But now, they'd just have the fun they weren't allowed to before and finally let themselves heal. They had the time to kill.  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> this has taken me two weeks to write and i'm lowkey mad about how closely the events of canon are lining up with it lol
> 
> i hope y'all enjoyed it! feel free to moment your thoughts below!
> 
> hi cola :)
> 
> follow me on my tumblr @lemonyellowlogic and my twitter @lmonyllowlgic !!


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